I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
God, I missed his penis.
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