Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
