pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
