Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
