nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
