I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
