If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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