my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
