i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
