Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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