Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
