we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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