Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
