Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The air taste purple.
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