yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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