She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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