I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How does it feel to date your dad?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
