Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
