My room smells like vodka and shame
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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