What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
