Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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