4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
