yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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