Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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