remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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