How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
