If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
