can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
