I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
