Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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