I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
