Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
