My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
foreskin is a definite game changer
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
