brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
