I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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