She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Randomize
