I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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