get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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