Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
