I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
