I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
