I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
