i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
