she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
