Come see our sink grown plant.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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