ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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