she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
