my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
