I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I am one with the molecules
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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