i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
