my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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