Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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