Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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