Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
