I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
