Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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