His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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