Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
