Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
