Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
