a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
