I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
