So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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