There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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