My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
